What Is Forgiveness: Is It Enough or Ever Truly Possible?

This post about forgiveness is about the psychology of forgiveness, the power of forgiveness and what forgiveness is not.

Is  Forgiveness Enough or Ever Truly Possible

A post from her opened up a very deep discussion about an aspect of life we seem to ignore from giving our true candid opinion about it. What is it about forgiveness that is not actually forgiven within our hearts? You know within you that what you are doing is wrong, that you wouldn't take it if someone else does it to you, then why do such to others and expect forgiveness.

This attitude of spouses bringing out a low esteem from one another through the use of abusive words and later asking for forgiveness, is never the best way to build a united home. One way or the other, we are all in this and are acting as if this is a normal way of life.

Taking a little research online on the true meaning of forgiveness, I realized people are asking questions on: is forgiveness ever truly possible, can forgiveness be impossible, why forgiveness is impossible, is forgiveness a choice or feeling, is forgiveness ever truly possible, what is to be the limit of forgiveness and will God forgive all sins? Also, some are making further research on: what is forgiveness, the power of forgiveness, advantages and disadvantages of forgiveness, what is forgiveness in the bible, benefit of forgiveness, types of forgiveness, effect of forgiveness, benefits of forgiveness with bible verses, what is forgiveness and why is it important and spiritual benefits of forgiveness. 

 What Is Forgiveness: Is Forgiveness Enough or Ever Truly Possible?

Within my heart, it pains me to see couples put up the old man attitude of a character when they should be the one to display the heart that strives for unconditional love.  In this way of emotionally abusing our spouses with words that shouldn’t be found among us and later coming around to ask for forgiveness, is it the right way to live and build a happy home?  Let me pause from here and serve to us the balanced writeup from Roberta Edu, Chief food maker at Moppet Foods.

Is Forgiveness Enough?

If you have always attended some marriage seminars especially in churches, you hear a lot of, forgive your spouse, you have no choice than to forgive, marriage is for continuous forgivers and so...

A lot of people have taken advantage of this style of teaching to go on a hurting spree with their spouse, with the mindset that they'll be forgiven. 

You see some men and women, if they want to quarrel with their spouse here, they will say all sort of unprintable words, they would have used their mouth to tear their partner down, make them feel little, get them depressed and have them asking God why they were created, then a pastor will say forgive, will forgiveness remove depression? Give the man or woman their self esteem back? Will it remove all the doubts and make them whole again? 

You cheat on a man or woman, they say forgive, marriage is for forgivers, the erring spouse hasn't even shown true repentance or work to redeem his or her image to build trust back, forgiveness is being sung again to the spouse. 

To what end? Will forgiveness build back trust, will it repair all that has been destroyed? 

Can't you see that your wife has said she has forgiven you but no longer close to you as it used to, some have even deleted you from their heart, they're just there for the children and lack of options.  Working during Pregnancy: Is it Safe to Work When You are Pregnant?

Forgiveness Is Not Enough

Learn boundaries in marriage, learn to deal with each other in love not in hurts. If you hurt your spouse, learn to build what has been broken instead of expecting forgiveness, it doesn't make it any different.

A home should be a place where a man or woman would be covered, happy and understood, not a place of continuous hurts for forgiveness.

Reaction Quotes from Is Forgiveness Enough or Forgiveness Is Not Enough

[1]. The hurtful thing about this kind of teaching is that it's targeted at women more. —Idongesit Wills

[2]. I don't think you are correct. If men start to speak up, the entire media space won't contain. Who talks more when there is a fight, who compares spouse more with others? Who usually wants their family to be welcome and the other family not to be welcome? Who wants to own the children moreover its spouse? The truth is, let's just agree that both parties should forgive and don't take the other for granted. —Oyakhirome Augustus Asije

[3]. The thing about forgiveness is that it will benefit the forgiver more than the forgiven. You are not being fair to yourself living with a spouse you cannot forgive. Your heart will always be so heavy and bitter. It will show in the person's looks and even productivity. Let me ask, if your spouse started hurting you so badly from the 3rd year of your marriage, will you just forgive and keep being depressed for the next 40 or more years you will live with them? If a spouse has refused to change after numerous troubles, it is best to seek help, being bitter and unforgiving is even worse because the other party might probably be enjoying their life. —Chibuzo Uzochukwu

[4]. I am impressed with this writeup. For the first time in your life you balanced the situation and did not call out any gender. I want to believe that you have finally given your life to Christ. Hallelujah!!!! Now, forgiveness is not a demand of any church, it was a direct order by Christ himself to all his believers. He made it clear that if you don’t forgive others God will not forgive you your sins. Forgiveness as far as Christ is concerned is unconditional, no boundaries. Men have taken advantage of this condition to hurt their fellow men especially in the christendom. This is very true. Yet the standard from God has not changed. What then is forgiveness Forgiveness says “I will not pay you back with your own coin, either in my thinking (psychologically) or in my actions (physically)” Forgiveness does not say if you forgive a thief, you should continue giving him access to your account o! You know that he is a thief. That knowledge should guide you on how to relate with the person. If the offender wants the relationship back, he or she has to WORK it back. That has nothing to do with forgiveness. Once trust is lost, it may never be found again. With hard work, there is always a chance. Forgiveness is one of the most difficult teachings of Christ but he made an example of it. God will help us all. —Michael Enodien

[5]. People should not take advantage of their partner's emotion in the name of forgiveness. However, forgiveness it's for the forgiver's advantage not for the forgivee. —Oyakhirome Augustus Asije

[6]. Forgiveness is very important and I support the teachings, however, like you said, kindness is more important. I learnt somewhere that there can be disagreements and arguments without tearing the other down or finding a way to hurt or emotionally maim the other. God help us. —Nwibe Deborah Ogechi

[7]. Hmmmmm... I have always pondered on this. A man or woman is abusive for years, complaints have come to his or her relations, pastors, mentis etc, yet the offender is not repentant. Now when the victim decides to react, everybody rushes to him or her to FORGIVE. If the victim refuses, everyone will create an impression that he or she is inconsiderate... Really??? When the scallywag was abusive, everywhere was hush hush.. especially when a man of God is abusive to the wife... now the woman wants to save her neck... and everyone turns to a preacher of peace and forgiveness... Yes, She forgives, but that man will not REPENT... so She forgives but allows her to walk away. —Etukudo Emem

[8]. Etukudo Emem. That is how difficult it is. I have found myself in situations where I felt the only right thing to do was to take my pound of flesh... But how then do I stand up tomorrow and tell someone I am a Christian!!?? Forgiving is not easy, it will never be easy especially when you can’t say if the offender is truly repentant or not. But let’s look at a world without forgiveness! It will even be very difficult for you and I to survive. —Michael Enodien

[9]. Michael Enodien. I am truly not against forgiveness, but am saying in some critical cases, after forgiveness, allow that victim to make his or her own decisions about how to lead their lives after that. If an abusive man or woman wants to leave that marriage, allow them... if a child raped by the father decides to live with a willing foster parent, allow them, if a Church member decides to leave the church because he was accused falsely and humiliated, but later vindicated, allow him... etc. —Etukudo Emem

[10]. Etukudo Emem. It is wrong to tell a raped victim to continue living with the rapist, she will never heal. That has nothing to do with forgiveness. The healing of the offended is very key. If the law catches up with the rapist he will go to jail. That has nothing to do with forgiveness. When we talk about forgiveness, we are talking to the offended to find peace. Forgiveness, peace and healing are in one package. There is very little you can do to isolate one from the other. Don’t mind my choice of words, it's not an easy task. —Michael Enodien Best Quotes about How Long a Relationship should Last before Marriage

[11]. Etukudo Emem. God bless you bro for this undiluted truth. You can forgive but you also have the right to choose yourself and how you choose to heal, without anyone accusing you of being heartless or inconsiderate. —Princess Excellent Eshiet

[12]. Michael Enodien. I understand Bro. It's just how painful and traumatic it is for the victims who are asked to forgive. On the whole forgiveness is actually the best way out of self inflicted pains. —Etukudo Emem

[13]. Princess Excellent Eshiet. Exactly Sis. This is my concern. Allow the victims decide how they want to heal and stop playing saint, especially when you have never been a victim. —Etukudo Emem

[14]. You are absolutely right. A lot of people have used that forgiveness to hurt and kill their partner... I Pray We Do The Right Thing. —Don Praizzy

[15]. A changed attitude only is deserving of forgiveness. Repent and stop expecting forgiveness. —Favour Uche Ikwuka

You say you don't know how to talk, that's how I talk...  but you don't insult your Pastors even when they offend you, you have never called your boss ewuu. But when your spouse does something you go all out, you call them animals, you use their weaknesses that you know cos you're privileged to be in their life to taunt them, you loud their mistakes, you drag them on the floor. Tomorrow you say forgive me, it's not that you lack manners, you don't just rate your spouse, forgiveness will not cure this, it will not make it whole again. You need to learn to respect your spouse (man or woman) no one deserves to be in constant verbal or emotional abuse. One day, they will forgive but take their decisions. —Engr Roberta Edu 

[16]. Many take advantage of forgiveness to deliberately hurt others believing that the victim can't do anything to avenge the hurt because as a Christian they must forgive. Taking people for granted because you believe that they will forgive is wicked and witchcraft spirit. REPENT! —Sam Idogun

[17]. You did Justice to this. The worst of it is repeating the same thing that hurts your partner over and over again. —Ifunanya Nwankwo Mouba

[18]. May God give us grace to forgive though it might not be easy with flesh and blood but by divine intervention and the SPIRIT OF GOD in us. —Paul Sopuru Ogaba

[19]. Paul Sopuru Ogaba. I do not pray for grace to continually forgive hurts, the other partner either prays for grace to stop hurting or I find the grace to take myself away from continuous hurts. —Engr Roberta Edu

[20]. Engr Roberta Edu. this your reply ehn.... Hahaha, let me just be laughing first, it's funny but true, let everyone pray for grace to treat each other right not grace to continually forgive, for how long. —Koffi Seglo 15 Things Every Woman Wants in a Man

[21]. Continuous hurt, then you come back with tales of forgiveness and how the hurt spouse does not forgive despite being a believer. —Ogapha Olayemi Aderonke

[22]. This is very deep, forgiveness might sound easy, but trust broken is very hard to fix. The withdrawal part where the hurting partner just keeps things going for some reasons is underrated in relationships. - David Idongesit Okon

[23]. I understand the pains of being constantly wronged with societal or religious expectations to forgive, but you see, the cut-off point is so high. The issue of forgiveness had been queried before in the Bible and you know the standard. It seems hard but that's the way. —Nsisong Udofia

[24]. Nsisong Udofia. The person can also decide to choose peace and stay away from an abusive person. staying away is easier actually. —Engr Roberta Edu

[25]. Engr Roberta Edu yes, especially when the person refuses to repent and stops abusing or cheating. —Essien Daniel

[26]. Engr Roberta Edu. of course, Biblically and legally, there are ways to avoid these issues of abuse etc. —Nsisong Udofia

[27]. Remember what forgiveness involves. You are not condoning the wrong or acting as if it never happened​ — you are simply letting it go. Secondly: Recognize the benefits of forgiving. Letting go of anger and resentment can help you to keep calm, improve your health, and increase your happiness. (Proverbs 14:30; Matthew 5:9) Even more important, forgiving others is a key to receiving God’s forgiveness for your own sins. —Matthew 6:14,15.

[14] Yes, if you forgive others for the wrongs they do to you, then your Father in heaven will also forgive your wrongs. [15] But if you don’t forgive others, then your Father in heaven will not forgive the wrongs you do. —Matthew 6:14-15

It means if we want forgiveness from God, you must forgive those who wrong us. Remember that there are no conditions attached to us forgiving our following men.

WILL YOU LIKE TO BE FORGIVEN?

If yes! You must forgive others. All things, therefore, that you want men to do to you, you also must do to them. This, in fact, is what the Law and the Prophets mean. —Mathews 7:12.

SHOULD YOU FORGIVE ALL WRONG DOINGS?

Pardoning with no valid basis. God does not forgive people who are guilty of willful, malicious sin and who refuse to acknowledge their mistakes, change their ways, and apologize to those whom they have hurt. (Proverbs 28:13; Acts 26:20; Hebrews 10:26) Such unrepentant ones become God’s enemies, and he does not require us to forgive those whom he has not forgiven. —Psalm 139:21, 22.

What if you are the victim of cruel mistreatment by someone who refuses to apologize or even admit to what he has done? The Bible advises: “Let go of anger and abandon rage.” (Psalm 37:8) While not excusing the error, you can refuse to be consumed with anger. Trust that God will bring the person to account. (Hebrews 10:30, 31) You can also take comfort in knowing that God will bring a time when we will no longer feel the deep pain or hurt that may burden us now. —Isaiah 65:17; Revelation 21:4.

So if God doesn't forgive unrepentant sinners , you shouldn't go on giving unrepented partners in the name of marriage. It's better to move on. —Essien Daniel Inspiring Quotes about Money, Wealth, Poverty and Happiness

[28]. The realest post on this issue ever. Thanks for this,Roberta. It validates my position entirely on forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean things will be cool again especially when there's no true remorse,instant deletion in my mind and heart... —Oluwadamilola Akinwale Akinayo

[29]. This post is very touching and difficult to decide where one should pitch a tent. I don't know why some people do not consider that they will continue to live together after misunderstanding. It is true one may be offended but the Bible says we can get angry but we should not sin but people will just open their hearts and mouths and allow the devil to use. All the same, the bottom line is still that we should forgive because it is the commandment of God. You can trust God that He will repay the offender perfectly, beyond our imagination. He said "Vengeance is mine and I will repay". —Mfon Udo

[30]. Hmmmmm may God help us, because he is the greatest helper, may we seek for his advice in every area of our lives. —Glory Mulikat Sule

[31]. Hmmm... Good write-up. But then, Jesus our Lord and Saviour personally taught us to forgive uncountable times in His own words. —Chibuzor Eze

As humans, even when we do forgive, do we actually forget. This is something we should ponder about and try as much as possible not to allow words that would ruin our marital life become a part of our daily affairs. If we can keep to this, be sure that your home would become a paradise here on earth.

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This post about forgiveness is about the psychology of forgiveness, the power of forgiveness and what forgiveness is not.
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