A hilarious story about love, Valentine’s pressure, and the struggle for financial survival in Nigeria’s economy.
E be like say na only me waka come. Valentine dey come, love dey fly up and down like say na mosquito wey drink Red Bull, but me? I dey find money like person wey miss hin kidney for Lagos market.
February 1st na im my babe, Sade, start to dey drop hints. "Baby, Valentine dey come o. Wetin you go do for me?" I just smile like goat wey see yam.
"Babe, make we no rush. February still get days. We go see how e go be."
But my mind dey shake like NEPA light. Since December, my account balance don dey do hide and seek. This 2025 economy no be anybody mate. Even POS machine don dey reject my ATM card like say na counterfeit.
Day 2: Wahala Dey Start Small Small
For work, my guy Musa wey be my fellow suffer head pull me one side.
"Guy, how e go be for Val?"
I look am like say e mad. "Val as how? We no dey same level, Musa. You dey find Val, me I dey find financial revival. If I see person wey go buy me one plate of jollof rice, I go happy like say I win visa lottery."
Musa shake head. "Na wa o. So you go just abandon Sade like that? You no fear heartbreak?"
Heartbreak? My brother, no be heartbreak dey worry me. Na bank-break. Even my landlord dey find me like say I borrow hin goat and refuse to return am.
Day 7: Love Dey Hungry Everybody Except Me
Sade don upgrade her hints. She don dey send Instagram reels of people wey dey do surprise proposals inside yacht. I dey read am with my two eyes, but na only my left eye dey see well.
One night, she just face me. "Baby, tell me the truth, you plan anything for Val?"
I gree say I be man, but this question choke me. I go need Holy Spirit to answer am.
I cough. "Ehn... You know say I dey plan one special thing. No be by early announcement, na by surprise."
She smile like pikin wey see ice cream. "Awww, I love surprises! I go dey expect am."
Expectation don kill me be that.
Day 10: Operation Find Money By Force
E clear me say I need money or I go lose babe. I carry my life enter street. I text all my guys, "Omo, who fit borrow me small money?" Na only "Bros, I suppose dey ask you o" I dey receive as reply. E be like say suffering get WhatsApp group, and all of us be admin.
I go POS stand to try collect small money. The machine look my card, reject am, then reset itself. Even technology no wan hear my cry.
I call my cousin wey dey do yahoo. "Brother, abeg, fit run me 10k?"
He reply, "Omo, my guy, even client no gree pay this period. Everybody dey hold money tight."
God abeg, na who e offend for this life?
Day 12: Help From Above?
As I dey reason my life, my phone ring. Na my uncle from village.
"Chike, I hear say you dey Lagos dey do big boy. Send me small 5k make I use take buy palm oil."
I wan cry. Even people wey dey village dey find financial revival.
As I off my phone, my landlord knock my door. "Young man, I never see your house rent."
I no go lie, na that day I know say pressure and hypertension dey related.
Day 14: The D-Day!
Valentine morning, Sade send me text: "Baby, I don book hair and nails. Can’t wait for our surprise date! ❤️"
Na so my blood pressure nearly reach 200/100.
By afternoon, my guy Musa call me. "Guy, wetin you plan?"
I sigh. "E be like say I go fake accident."
He laugh. "You no serious. Just find one cheap place, buy shawarma, buy Coke, make she no vex."
I check my balance. N1,250.
My brother, even gala and La Casera dey drag am with me.
I reach Sade house, she don dress like queen. "Baby, where we dey go?"
My brain blank. I say, "Errm... make we stroll first."
Na so we waka enter one small suya joint. "Baby, you fit eat small suya first before main course?"
She smile. "Awww, baby, you sabi romantic!" She chop suya dey lick finger.
I dey pray make she full.
After suya, I say, "Baby, you wan see open-air movie for park? E dey romantic."
She nod, happy. We reach there, find one free place, sit down. As she cuddle me, I dey whisper prayer say make she no notice say na only suya she go chop today.
By the end of the night, she hug me, whisper, "Best Valentine ever!"
I wipe my sweat. My brother, na God run am.
Moral of the Story?
No be every Valentine na by money. Sometimes, na by wisdom and suya.
But financial revival still dey important. 😂
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